Woeful Wanderer

You being gone, it makes me alone. And that does not make my heart feel nice. I love you, and its killing me to be alone.

I feel stupid saying it out loud or posting it to facebook.
Everyone close to me just keeps reminding me that it’s only 2 weeks and that I will be fine.
And if I message him too much he will think I’m needy and will feel bad.

BUT I MISS HIM SO MUCH. I can not wait till he gets back so I can kiss and hug him and make him happy. I love him, 

So since I posted that Nike video, I have actually been extremely positive. I also took a book out from the local library called Be Happy! and its the cutest little book about life and has great little cartoons. 
I have NO clue what got me so off track from my goals. I sometimes think that I have a slight case of bipolar because my life is a ridiculous roller coaster of emotions. BUT, Charlie and I have been talking every day about the van, and our amazing life together while we travel, and whats next and whats new, and everything! I am so happy with him. He makes me feel like I am the most interesting person he has ever met, and that I can go anywhere and do anything I put my mind to. I am seriously stoked on life.
We are going to finish our travels in Australia, then head over to New Zealand and do a working holiday there. Then hopefully ride our bikes around the islands! Its a 5000km trip, but I know I can do it. THEN, on to the epic trip I had always planned of SE Asia, and Russia and Europe. Ich lerne deutsch!! hahah We want to spend a while in Germany doing a working holiday there. How amazing would that be. To see Denise and Svenja and Lukas, and to fully immerse myself with another language.  I am so happy to be learning something.. hahah I feel like such a bum lately. 
Only like 10 more weeks till we go. So logically, I can save about 500 or 600$ a week, I should be able to pay off my credit card, have some cash in my canadian account, and afford to travel for a while! Psyched!
I love my life lately. 

WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING. Why have I been wasting my energy with hate and sadness. When I should really feel lucky, and truly alive. 

MAKE IT COUNT! 

I hate my life lately. This house is too small for all of us. Its killing me everyday. 

I want to leave, and wander, and be ridiculous and be away from you. Everyone loves you and I don’t know why. Fuck off.

I want to suffocate myself, as if I’m not being suffocated already.  

What a terrible move we made moving in together, because everyday is a chore rather than a blessing. We fight about everything, you are no longer the person I want you to be, and and I no longer excited about life and travel. Just nervous and angry. Just completely fucked.

I seriously wish my life was less of a bitch fest, but sometimes I just don’t know what the fuck else I would talk about. What is so exciting in this world that people forget their problems are move on? Could someone please spark my interest? Cus Im bored of my shit problems and my shit life. I’m over it. 

I’m over all of it, and if something doesn’t change, I might be over you soon too. 

thedailywhat:

Short Film of the Day: A fascinating short film about how the now-iconic “Keep Calm and Carry On” WW2 propaganda poster went unseen by the public for decades before being discovered and distributed by a small secondhand bookshop in Alnwick, Northumberland, called Barter Books.

[devour.]

Lately I have been longing for things that I know I have never wanted. I don’t want kids, I don’t want marriage, I don’t want normalcy - but I’m dying for a normal path, a normal future and a normal life. It’s been killing me to stay in one place without working towards some sort of legitimate future. I think I have this notion that traveling involves actual movement, and that staying in one place for too long is less of an experience, than it is a settlement. 

I also think that my current boy has a lot to do with this too. He doesn’t want children, or to get married, and I think it makes me want those things more. It makes me want to change him for some reason, even though I have always been so sure of my own choice. I don’t know why I am thinking this way, or why I am trying to change a person’s feelings about it, I just know that I’m getting a little wedding silly and a little baby crazy.

Maybe my friends have been right all along, and I am slowly but surely changing my mind.. (please god no). Moral of the story; keep me away from all things lace, cake and plush. 

Wasted on myself..

Charlie. What a guy. Our reason for knowing each other is ridiculous, and I can’t believe the intensity of the relationship that has come from it. But I am so glad to know him. Speaking with him about Canadian things makes me so happy. Plus, I find the more time we spend together, the more I appreciate the opportunity I have here in Australia. To travel, and to be young and free. I am one crazy cat, one lucky duck and one smitten kitten. 

I am working at this amazing little restaurant, cafe, lounge place, and it is seriously fantastic. I love it there. They treat me so well, and Phillip the owner, is an amazing man. He is trying really hard to help me get my second year visa. I don’t think I could have asked for a better boss. 

I don’t even know what to write, aside from I am happy and healthy and having the time of my life. Australia is amazing.

Not sure who to credit for this, but I fucking love doing something wrong, and being pleasantly surprised!

(Source: tabbithron, via itslifesaidshe)